Art Journal with the Moon for May 8-14, 2023

In the northern hemisphere, we are deep in the season of spring. During the season of spring, the sun travels through the Aries, Taurus and Gemini zodiac signs. The sun is currently in the sign of Taurus. Each season has three zodiac signs associated with it and the middle sign, like Taurus, is considered the fixed sign. The fixed sign represents when we are settled comfortable into a season. We’re not at the beginning of the season where we’re still seeing signs of the old season popping up and we’re not at the end where we start to see signs of the new season creep in. Instead, we’re rooted fully in the season itself. This is where we are right now – rooted and grounded in the season of spring.

Taurus is a season ruled by Venus so it reflects that planet’s properties of comfort, beauty, joy, pleasure and connection. The moon this week definitely seems to be aligned with this energy as well. This might explain why I find the waning phases of the moon in spring and summer to be gentler than the waning phases of the moon in autumn and winter. I don’t dive as deep into my shadows. The world of the unseen doesn’t pull me to dark places as often. My inner work doesn’t feel as deep or heavy. There’s a lightness even to the dark. Not always, of course, but generally speaking the waning phases of the moon feel much different to me in spring and summer than in autumn and winter. 

The moon may be waning and we just passed a lunar eclipse in Scorpio but we’re moving towards a Taurus new moon and I can already feel a lightening of my spirit. I’m also enjoying the benefits of all the hard inner work I did this winter. I was in deep in transformation. I had to restructure so many things in my business and in my life to better suit my body’s limitations and to honor my dream of creating books with my art and writing. It was worth all the growing pains. Spring carries the energy of rebirth and that’s how I feel – reborn. In many way, I am not the same woman as I used to be. I’ve healed so much and I feel lighter, stronger and more capable of creating the life I want. This week I had a lot of thoughts circle around the theme “it’s never too late”. 

There were moments in the depth of transformation where I felt discouraged, lost and uncertain. I wondered if things would always be the way they were and if I would ever figure out how to live as my heart longs to live. This week, as my body becomes stronger and my work becomes more rewarding and I devote more time to creating books with my art and writing, I really see how it truly never is too late. It doesn’t matter that it has taken me so long to get here. I’ve arrived and it was worth the long spiral path I had to travel to get here. I know I never truly “arrive” because I’m constantly unfolding and becoming but sometimes it feels nice to pause, reflect and enjoy how far I’ve come – and boy oh boy have I come a long way baby!

I saw how far I’ve come when I felt myself roar up inside when it seemed to me that someone was summing up my health as a matter of mind over matter. What I heard was, “if you had a stronger mind over matter Dana, you would have a different experience with your body”. Fuck that shit! Whether or not that was what the person meant, it was glorious to witness such a strong reaction inside myself because I know what it means. It means I have my own back and I see ME. Not every body begins at the same place. Physical health is complicated and conscious creation and my mind is one factor in a complex system. It is NOT the only factor. I don’t care what kind of enlightened master I become and how well I master my mind, my body will not be like someone else’s body. My body will ALWAYS be sensitive. Getting to the emotional root of my problems, rewiring my brain, positive thinking and conscious creation are all a part of my healing but they are not everything. There is so much more to consider. 

People in strong bodies have trouble seeing what living in my sensitive body is all about. They reflect their experience onto me and don’t really see me at all. My body has always been and will always be sensitive. Period. No matter how much inner work I do or how strong my ability to heal with my mind is. Many people don’t know how to be with that. I didn’t know how to be with that for so many years. I’ve been conditioned to think the baseline for wellness is a certain kind of body that is strong and resilient. That’s not my baseline. It was never meant to be my baseline. When that kind of strong, resilient body was my goal, I suffered because it is not attainable for me. I had to come to terms with what is attainable for me which is hard when you’re living in a culture that only sees one kind of experience as the example of health.

I think my spirit chose a more sensitive baseline for a reason and it sucks sometimes and I have to learn how to manage things differently than most people I know but no amount of willpower or healing will change my body at its core. My body’s idea of strength and health is different than someone else’s body. My body will always be sensitive and it will always have more needs than many of the bodies around me. It doesn’t have more needs and it isn’t more sensitive because I’m not strong in my mind or I don’t do my inner work or I’m not addressing my emotional wounds. It is sensitive and has more needs because that is how it was made. It’s supposed to be this way.

Don’t misunderstand me, doing my inner work, addressing my emotional wounds and coming into alignment with my body will support me and I will continue to change and grow and improve but I will always be in a body that is more sensitive than most. That’s just my reality and it’s not wrong or bad nor does it mean I’m less effective at my inner work.

It reminds me of the times I sought out support for the way my body was putting on weight and the advice I received over and over again boiled down to “calories in and calories out”. It’s laughable to me now how ridiculously reductive that is. For some people, it is nowhere near that simple. For many people it is and it is usually those people who cannot see me and my body. It’s laughable now but at the time, the reductive nature of that thinking was dangerous. It made me feel like something was wrong with me. It made me feel like I was the problem but I wasn’t. There was a whole history of conditions that led to my experience and when the solution was reduced to one simple thing that did NOT work for me, change couldn’t happen. People in my life who find that “calories in and calories out” works for them see me as someone who was eating too much or not exercising enough. Talk about being completely blind to my experience! I eat healthier and I’m just as active as most people I know. I’ve had to fight to be seen in relationships. It’s exhausting. 

Luckily, I have people in my life who are willing to question their assumptions and beliefs long enough to let me explain how my experience is different than theirs. And luckily, I’ve come far enough to accept my differences, validate my own experience, refuse to see myself through the limited, conditioned thoughts of my culture and speak up when I’m not seen or heard. 

How far have you come? I bet if you reflect on it you’ll see that, like me, you’ve come a long way baby.