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If you’re feeling stuck or stagnant, this will help.

IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY

In my studio, I have a shelf made of long thick slabs of wood held firm to the wall with some braces and a couple silver chains.

I love this shelf.

It’s handmade by my husband. He took the time to paint the thick slabs of wood white because he knows how much I want a white studio but can’t yet afford to remodel.

I feel loved when I look at that shelf. It’s a formidably long shelf that takes up the whole wall so each row can hold a lot of art supplies. The first row is my favorite. On that shelf are baskets and baskets of paint. Each basket is labeled by color and filled with little containers of paint.

I love those colorful containers. Even the name printed on each color makes me happy; lavender, chocolate, sour apple and carousel pink. True blue, moon yellow, midnight green, grape juice, soft black, driftwood, morning mist, grey storm and honey brown. They sound delicious and playful and moody.

I especially love when I choose a color, pop the top and watch the milky color pool on my palette. It has a glossy shine to it that never lasts after it dries on the page.

I’m always disappointed when I find just the right color, pop the top and tip the plastic bottle over expecting that glossy goodness to come pouring out and instead…nothing. I try to squeeze the bottle to push the paint out. Most times that works but sometimes I squeeze and press and squash and crush that little bottle trying to coax the paint but still…nothing.

This happens because what is left of my precious paint has dried.

The lid was open just a slit and the air ruined my paint or, more sad to me, I didn’t use it soon enough.

Sometimes I fear all my little bottles will dry up because I didn’t use them soon enough.

Being a highly sensitive person living with a chronic illness means I have periods of time where I’m stuck. I can’t do what I want to do so dinner dates are canceled, clients are rescheduled, parties are missed and paint dries up.

I get stuck sometimes because my body is reacting in a way that makes me unable to function but I also get stuck because I have a big emotional experience that I haven’t yet digested.

Deep feelers have big emotional experiences. Big emotional experiences are like eating oversized plates crammed full of food…they take longer to digest.

It took me many years to realize not everyone experiences the world in this way. Most people walk away from an experience carrying small plates with cute little bite-sized pieces of food. They don’t get overwhelmed by emotions they can’t digest.

Then there are the deep feelers of the world or the highly sensitive people with a history of trauma. They can be at the very same place at the exact same time as all the other people with their cute little plates but they walk away having to carry a massive plate with a mountain of emotions that they then have to figure out how to breakdown and digest.

Highly sensitive people absorb more emotional and energetic information from the spaces they occupy and the people around them. 

It’s exhausting.

It’s also magical and nuanced and deeply flavorful and profound.

But on my bad days when I feel stuck it’s annoying and exhausting.

I started the New Year in an emotionally clear place where I had the energy and the space to push myself to grow. I stretched past a lot of discomfort in an attempt to bust through a long standing negative pattern I have been dealing with for many years.

It worked. I made it to the other side. I celebrated a kind of success I couldn’t reach before. It was thrilling but it was also a lot for my nervous system to process. I got stuck. I couldn’t stretch myself anymore. I had to slow down. I couldn’t move forward.

I’ve been stuck for the last three months. I really shouldn’t say stuck. It feels like being stuck but I know deep down what I’m really doing is recovering and digesting.

I’m not going to lie, I find this part of the process annoying. I don’t want to have to recover or worse, digest my emotional experience. I just want to move forward. I want to move on to the next adventure and when I was younger I’m sure I would have but I’m older now and I know all too well how pushing past my emotional experience and ignoring my body’s limitations only hurts my body and gives my future self more emotional work to do and I don’t want to do that anymore because it’s mean and inconsiderate and ultimately, ineffective.

So my paints can dry out if they have to.  I will pause and look back over the first half of the year and break down the emotions I couldn’t digest while I was going through it.

If you’re feeling stuck, you might want to do the same – look back over the year and process the emotions you didn’t have time to digest yet – and the season we’re in right now is the perfect time to do this.

Sunday will be August 1st which, on the Wheel of the Year, holds a holiday called Lammas or Lughnasadh. It’s a time halfway between the summer solstice and the fall equinox where we celebrate the first harvests. It’s a time when the days are noticeably becoming shorter.

Traditionally, this holiday celebrated harvesting the grain infused with the power of the Sun God. The grain was ground and baked into bread which was blessed.

Having Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (or McAss as it is lovingly referred to in my home)  means I can’t digest grains so I prefer to celebrate this time of year with gratitude for the fresh fruits that grow and ripen in the sun. Imagine all the sun power that is infused within each bite of juicy fruit you eat!

In my art rituals at this time of year, I blend the colors of summer and fall together in my pieces – vibrant greens and yellows and the bright colors of fresh fruit beside deep reds and spicy oranges.

This holiday corresponds with the disseminating moon which interestingly enough is actually the phase the moon is in this week. In the creation process, it’s the time where you look back on the seeds of intention you planted and you take note of what happened.

Did your intentions manifest?

What did you end up creating in your life?

What did you learn?

Questions to Ponder

Here are some questions to help you explore your inner world in the natural rhythm of the season.

  1. What are you proud of yourself for doing or saying since the New Year?

  2. What didn’t go as planned?

  3. If you could travel back to January, what would you tell yourself?

  4. What is your biggest lesson since January?

  5. From now until the end of the year, what do you want to invest less time in?

  6. From now until the end of the year, what do you want to invest more time in?

  7. If you could wave a magic wand and have everything be exactly as you want it to be, what would change in your life from now until the end of the year?

For Those Who Don’t Want to Go It Alone

In the Moon Mapping Year, I use this time of year to take you on a journey of reviewing the year and deciding how you want the rest of the year to unfold. I then teach your subconscious mind how to clear the memories and beliefs you carry that are not in agreement with your goals. How can you get where you want to go if you stay stuck or sabotage yourself? The inner work is crucial – especially when you’re a deep feeling creative person.

If you’re a highly sensitive person who could use support clearing blocks and moving forward, I highly suggest checking out the Moon Mapping Year. Together, we’ll do the deep inner work in alignment with the rhythms found in nature and the lunar cycles. You can check out the Moon Mapping Year here.

with love,

Dana da Ponte

 

 

 

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Based on natural rhythms and lunar cycles, this is a list of times I think it would be great to connect with your angels and spirit guides.

IT’S OKAY TO PRETEND

Connecting with my angels and spirit guides is something I do on a daily basis but sometimes there are special moments I like to take advantage of because they naturally lend themselves to being in liminal space. This is my list of those dates.

You might want to make note of these dates in your calendar so you remember to carve a few quiet moments to yourself to connect to Spirit in whatever way works best for you.

If you’re new to connecting to Spirit, there is no need to make it complicated. Light a candle, have your writing journal with you, ask your angels to be with you then write a letter to them describing the issues you are struggling with in your life and where you would love some support or help.

When you are done, flip the page, ask your angels to guide your thoughts and words and pretend you’re answering the letter. It doesn’t matter if it’s all in your imagination. Just write whatever comes to mind. Don’t worry about whether or not it’s real. Instead, ask yourself if it’s helpful or not and if you’re brave enough, just let yourself play and pretend. You might be surprised by the wisdom you find.

Dear Angels,

Thank you for being with me tonight. I notice I’m doubting whether or not you are really here but I’m just going to pretend you are for now, ok?  I’m writing you this letter because I’m feeling scared of the changes I need to make in my life. My heart is pulling me in a new direction and I trust it but the changes scare me. Do you have any advice?

ANOTHER WAY TO USE THESE DATES

If you’re like me and you like to plan ahead, you might also want to use these dates to choose a good time to book a professional reading. If you’re looking for information about the future, you might want to book a psychic reading. If you’re looking to connect with a loved one who has crossed over, look for a medium. If you want to tune in to the realm of Spirit Guides and Angels and listen for any messages you are meant to receive at that time in your life, you might want to book an Intuitive Reading here with me.

In celebration of Mother’s Day and anyone who needs a little divine mothering (don’t we all these days), you will receive $40 OFF when you book an Intuitive Reading with me before Monday, May 10 and enter the coupon code “motherme” upon checkout.

My calendar fills up quickly but if you’re someone who plans ahead, I would pick a date from the suggestions below, book the session today and take advantage of this sale. Then when that magical time comes, the angels will be ready waiting for you. You can plan ahead and book an Intuitive Reading here.

Dates to Consider

Your Birthday

Let’s start with an obvious one. The day you entered this world is pretty momentous and taking some time on that special day to connect with Spirit and ask if there are any messages you need to hear is a magical addition to your day.

Here are some questions you might want to ask Spirit on your birthday.

Is there something you’d like me to know or see today?

Is there an area of my life that needs my attention but has escaped my notice lately?

Is there something I can do to be one step closer to my dreams or goals?

What would you like to see me do before my next birthday?

Is there anyone in the realm of Spirit who wants to share a birthday message with me?

Do you have any gifts you’d like to share with me? 

Do I have any gifts that I’m not seeing clearly yet?

New and Full Moons

The bright and round full moon and the dark and hidden new moon have a couple things in common. They both happen when the earth and the sun and the moon are aligned and they are both great times to connect to Spirit.

Here are the rest of the full and new moon dates in 2021. Book a reading on or near these days or take out your journal and ask Spirit the questions that are most on your heart.

Year Ahead Readings

If you like to check in with Spirit and see what the next year has in store for you, plan ahead and book a reading in the month of December. I love year ahead readings. They are some of my favorite readings to offer. If you like these too, you can book a reading in December here.

Alternatively, you can pull a tarot and an oracle card for each month of the coming year and make a note of what comes up. I do this every year as well.

Halloween and Samhain

The last week of October and the first week of November is another great time to book a reading or communicate with Spirit. The veil between our world and the world of Spirit is thin at this time. The energy all around us supports connecting with Spirit and our ancestors.

The Anniversary of the Day Someone You Love Passed Away

Depending on your grieving process, you might feel supported when you book a reading or communicate with Spirit on the death anniversary of a loved one. This obviously wouldn’t feel helpful to everyone but I know booking a reading or communicating with my angels on the death anniversary of my grandmothers feels magical and loving to me.

I hope these dates help you remember to carve time out of your busy life to slow down and check in with Spirit every now and again. A magical conversation with your Spirit Guides and Angels can support you in so many ways.

As I mentioned earlier, in celebration of Mother’s Day and anyone who needs a little divine mothering (don’t we all these days), you will receive $40 OFF when you book an Intuitive Reading with me before Monday, May 10th and enter the coupon code “motherme” upon checkout.

My calendar fills up quickly but if you’re someone who plans ahead, I would pick a date from the suggestions above, book the session today and take advantage of this sale. Then when that magical time comes, the angels will be ready waiting for you. You can plan ahead and book an Intuitive Reading here.

with love,

Dana da Ponte

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This is an art ritual I created specifically for the full moon in April 2021. It was created with the intention of helping you receive a message from Spirit about shining your light in the world.

Reflect

The full moon is a great time to connect to Spirit and ask if there are any messages you need to receive. With this art ritual, you will take a few sacred moments to find out if Spirit has any wisdom or advice to offer.

When I connect with Spirit and the angels for my clients, I don’t use tools but I’ve always wanted to. I like tools. My grandmother used to read tea leaves at her local church bazaar. It reminded me of stories of scrying for messages in a crystal ball or a cauldron full of water.

Scrying is the art of looking at an object or reflective surface and hoping for messages to appear. It’s a little like staring at the clouds and waiting to see what kind of images you can pick out. Like any form of divination, you can do it with the intention of receiving messages from Spirit or just to receive inspiration from your own imagination. The best results happen when you’re relaxed and you enter that state that feels a little like zoning out.

A few years ago, I came up with my own form of scrying using water and diluted inks. If you’ve played with watercolors, acrylic paints or inks before, you know that placing a drop of watery paint on a wet surface causes the paint to disperse in spontaneous ways. Scrying in this way is looking at the abstract patterns and shapes that form in the dried paint until you see symbolic images appear. The shapes don’t have to look exactly like the object that comes to mind. It’s more about trusting what your mind comes up with than it is about accurately finding images that really exist in the dried paint.

The first step is seeing the images but the next step is interpreting what you saw to find the meaning of the message. The answers might come to you right away or it might take some time to realize what the meaning of the message is which is why it’s helpful to write down everything you see.

I take you through this process step-by-step below.

If you are not on my email list and haven’t received this month’s creative moon guide page, visit my homepage and sign up. You’ll receive a link where you can download the creative moon guide I created for this particular full moon. Print it, grab a tea and a cozy blanket, get comfortable then follow the instructions.

Create

If moon rituals are familiar to you, prepare your sacred space and invite Spirit to join you in whatever way works best for you.

If, however, you are new to moon rituals, I’ve included a quick guide to the steps I follow to prepare for my moon rituals in a past blog post. Take a look at it before moving forward.

We are entering the peak of spring. It’s a great time to honor the sun, surround yourself with flowers and beckon summer. I’m in need of the sun, the moon and a lot of play. To start, I’ll be cleaning my altar and adding lavender for ease and grace, roses for my love of the Great Mother, beeswax candles to call in the magic of the bees and to have fire to honor the sun, a bouquet of fresh flowers, honey because I’m wishing for more sweetness in my life, selenite towers to keep the energy clear, tiny little wishes wrapped in tiny little paper for the fairies, a couple prayers of passion for my husband and I, the cute sock monkey toy that represents my son surrounded by roses to wish him feelings of love and goodness and coins because I’m growing money and power in my imagination.

The final touch I will include is a bouquet of flowers that remind me of the sun because the sun is a powerful symbol for confidence, being bold and giving yourself permission to shine and stand in your power.

Let’s channel this sun energy in this month’s full moon art ritual by scrying for messages using yellow, orange and red paints.

Below are the step-by-step instructions of this ritual in a format you can print for your convenience.

If you do perform this ritual publicly or share photos of the ritual or perform the ritual with a group, please respect the work of this artist and creator by mentioning the source and/or providing a link back to this original post. Also, if you end up performing this ritual, I’d love to see what you completed. You can even post the finished piece on Instagram or Facebook with the hashtag #danasartrituals or email me at support@danadaponte.com and share with me how it went.

with love,

Dana da Ponte

 

April 2021 Full Moon Art Ritual
Author: 
Moon Phase: Full Moon
Suggested Month: Any spring month
Prep time: 
Performance time: 
Total time: 
 
A full moon art ritual to help you receive messages about shining your light in the world.
Supplies
  • inks, acrylic paints or watercolors in yellow, orange and red
  • water
  • compass for drawing circles
  • paintbrush or dropper
  • art journal page or watercolor paper
  • paint cups to mix the paint when you dilute it
  • white wax crayon or masking fluid
Directions
  1. Set a sacred space and prepare for your art ritual.
  2. Choose a page in your art journal or cut a square of watercolor paper.
  3. Draw a circle with a compass on your paper. Make sure it fills about ¾ of the page. You want to leave room to write later.
  4. Have three small paint holders or cups. Fill each half way with water. Add a drop of yellow to one of the paint holders, a drop of orange to another and a drop of red to the last one.
  5. Mix each cup so the color is vibrant but diluted.
  6. Follow the outer line of your circle with your white wax crayon or your masking fluid. This is to prevent the water and the paint from seeping past the outer edges of your circle.
  7. Wet the inside of the circle with water.
  8. Dip your paintbrush or dropper into the yellow paint.
  9. With your paintbrush or dropper, drop watery yellow paint onto the water surface.
  10. Watch the drops of yellow paint spread. Let this layer dry.
  11. Once the yellow paint is dry, wet the circle again.
  12. Dip your paintbrush or dropper into the orange paint.
  13. With your paintbrush or dropper, drop watery orange paint onto the water surface.
  14. Watch the drops of orange paint spread. Let this layer dry.
  15. Once the orange paint is dry, wet the circle again.
  16. Dip your paintbrush or dropper into the red paint.
  17. With your paintbrush or dropper, drop watery red paint onto the water surface.
  18. Watch the drops of red paint spread. Let this layer dry.
  19. Now for the fun scrying part of the moon art ritual. Relax your mind as you stare at the colors in the circle. Be like a child looking up at the clouds and imagining they see shapes and animals. What images, shapes or symbols do you see forming in your circle?
  20. Draw arrows from the places where you see something then describe what you see and the message that image might be sharing with you.
  21. When you are done capturing the images you see, consider all the messages you received. What do you think Spirit was wanting you to know about shining your light into the world?
  22. End with a prayer of gratitude.
Notes
Thank you for honoring my work and creativity. The photos of this craft and/or art ritual and content above are copyright protected. Please do not use the photos without prior written permission or without a link back to this blog post. If you wish to share this art based ritual, please provide a link back to this post on my blog. And if you like this art based ritual but want to make changes to it, please do so in your own words and link this post for credit. Thank you!

 

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This is an art ritual I created specifically for the new moon in April 2021. It was created with the intention of helping your claim your destiny.

Reflect

This particular new moon has a lot of new beginnings energy surrounding it. In western astrology it is considered to be an Aries new moon. Aries is the first sign in the Zodiac and it is a fiery, independent sign. It is the fire in your heart you feel when you are deeply passionate about something. It is the will that rises from your belly when you refuse to give up. Aries energy wants to take action. It doesn’t just want to just sit around and dream about something. It wants to be bold and brave. It knows you have what it takes to create the kind of world you dream of.

I wanted to tap into that daring energy for this moon ritual by creating a process you can use to claim your destiny. Many years ago, my guardian angel Cassandra taught me a very important lesson. She explained how, when working with Spirit, it was important to be both directive and receptive.

In my work, I’ve noticed people expect to be receptive when working with Spirit. They concentrate on trying to receive messages from Spirit which is helpful and very much an important skill to develop but your relationship with Spirit isn’t just receptive. Spirit isn’t just there to send you messages. They are also there to support you in creating. You are a creator. A creator must choose what they want to create.

I remember when I was lost and wondering what my purpose was I turned to Spirit and asked to be shown my purpose. Spirit turned right back around and asked me questions instead. What lights you up? What makes you happy? Do you know what makes your heart sing? They then explained that my answers would be found by trusting what makes me happy and asking for more of that to be created in my life.

That is a more directive way of working with Spirit. You look inside your heart of hearts and you trust what it wants. Then you ask Spirit for help bringing more of that into your life but you are the captain of the ship. Spirit is just the wind in your sails. If you don’t captain your ship and instead you sit there and wait for someone to show you the way or make the decisions for you, your experience of working with Spirit will probably be frustrating because you’re not directing the ship. You’ll just wander from place to place. Instead, figure out where you want to go then ask for Spirit’s help to get there.

 

Create

To help you play with the idea of being more directive, I created this moon art ritual for the April new moon. I thought of how destiny is this force we perceive as outside of ourselves but what if we decided to claim our destiny – or at least the parts of it we can control. If this pandemic has taught us anything, it is that we are not in control of all things at all times but that doesn’t mean we have no control.

For this art ritual, let’s imagine we have more control over our future than we ever imagined. Let’s pretend we are palm readers and as we look at the lines in the palm of our hands we see our dreams coming true.

What would each line say about your future?

Below are the step-by-step instructions of this ritual in a format you can print for your convenience.

If you do perform this ritual publicly or share photos of the ritual or perform the ritual with a group, please respect the work of this artist and creator by mentioning the source and/or providing a link back to this original post. Also, if you end up performing this ritual, I’d love to see what you completed. You can even post the finished piece on Instagram or Facebook with the hashtag #danasartrituals or email me at support@danadaponte.com and share with me how it went.

with love,

Dana da Ponte

 

April 2021 New Moon Art Ritual
Author: 
Moon Phase: New Moon
Suggested Month: Any
Prep time: 
Performance time: 
Total time: 
 
A moon art ritual to help you claim your destiny on the new moon.
Supplies
  • ink
  • watercolors or acrylic paints
  • black acrylic paint
  • dish soap
  • paintbrush
  • art journal page or 1 square of watercolor paper (I cut mine to each be 8″ x 8″)
  • compass
  • pencil
Directions
  1. Set a sacred space and prepare for your art ritual.
  2. Choose a page in your art journal or cut a square of watercolor paper.
  3. Draw a circle with a compass on your paper. Make sure it is large enough to fit the palm of your hand.
  4. Paint a light background.
  5. Dip your brush in paint or ink and draw counter clockwise circles along the outside of the circle. As you draw your counter clockwise circles think of the negative thoughts, beliefs or emotional triggers you want to release and let go.
  6. Call in the four directions and the 4 elements and anyone from your Spirit team you want to invite to support you by drawing symbols of them around the outer edges of your paper.
  7. Create a boundary around your circle by embellishing or defining the outer edge of the circle in some way. I dipped rope in black paint mixed with moon water and pressed the rope along the outer edges of the circle to make a print of the rope. Then I drew a snake body around it.
  8. Mix a little black acrylic paint with a bit of dish soap. This will help it wash off easier.
  9. Paint the palm of your hand.
  10. Press the palm of your hand inside your circle so you have a print of your palm.
  11. Highlight the most prominent lines on the palm of your hand by painting them with a bright color.
  12. Now for the fun part (as if getting your hands dirty wasn't already fun). Pretend you are a palm reader who is studying the lines and decide what you want each line on your palm to mean about your future.
  13. Make fantastically wild and magnificent predictions that describe your dreams coming true.
  14. Draw an arrow to each line and beside it write your prediction.
  15. End with a prayer of gratitude.
Notes
Thank you for honoring my work and creativity. The photos of this craft and/or art ritual and content above are copyright protected. Please do not use the photos without prior written permission or without a link back to this blog post. If you wish to share this art based ritual, please provide a link back to this post on my blog. And if you like this art based ritual but want to make changes to it, please do so in your own words and link this post for credit. Thank you!

 

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This March 2021 full moon journal page was created to help you neutralize emotional triggers in a relationship.

Reflect

This month’s full moon has some helpful energy for healing what’s broken in relationships. This, of course, means that leading up to the full moon you may have noticed tension building in a relationship close to you or memories of past hurts surfacing even if you hadn’t thought about them for years. It’s one of those “Show me what I need to see” kind of moons. Life will show you where the healing work needs to be done to get you where you want to be.

One of the ways life shows you where the healing work needs to be done in relationships is with emotional triggers An emotional trigger is anything — including memories, experiences, or events — that sparks an intense emotional reaction, regardless of your current mood. Emotional triggers cause an intense emotional reaction because they point to a wound or an unmet emotional need.

One of the first spiritual practices I deeply committed to in my thirties was using my emotional triggers to help me know myself better. And when I say I was deeply committed I mean deeeeeeply committed. I practiced it diligently every day several times a day. I was obsessed but in this really great way that helped me grow and become a better human. I tried my best not to react to emotional triggers and instead I got curious. Before figuring out how to handle the situation, I wondered what the emotional trigger was showing me about myself.

The philosophy I put into practice was to believe that the very things that were causing me the most discomfort – my heartaches, frustrations, disappointments, challenges and conflicts in relationships were all just pointing me to an unmet emotional need. If I became curious and gave myself time to explore my inner landscape and figure out what that unmet emotional need was then follow that up with doing whatever I had to do to meet that unmet emotional need, how would the situation or the relationship change?

“Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”

Pema Chodron

One of the places where emotional triggers pop up most often is in relationships. To make matters more complicated, many of us end up with life partners, close friends, family or bosses and co-workers who have the personalities, habits and conditioning that create the perfect conditions for our emotional needs to continue to go on being unmet.

Ordinary events end up triggering intense reactions because the unmet emotional needs from the past are still big gaping emotional voids in our hearts. We are not just seeing the present moment. We are seeing many moments behind that where our emotional needs were continuously ignored. Partners can’t understand where the intensity is coming from and their confusion can quickly escalate into frustration until both partners’ nervous systems’ are dysregulated – and try carrying on any kind of conversation or experiencing any kind of connection when your nervous system is dysregulated. It’s so hard.

We all have specific unmet emotional needs that were caused by traumatic or difficult experiences from our past that have left us with an emotional void. Without realizing it, filling that emotional void becomes the drive behind things we do and it becomes an expectation in relationships. For some, it is to feel loved and so they look to others to fill them up with love. For others it is to feel important so when someone does something to make them feel insignificant, they will get emotionally triggered. They will want the other person to prove to them they are important instead. This usually doesn’t work.

Believing that something or someone else has to change in order for your unmet emotional needs to be met keeps you powerless. People are unpredictable and it is not only the other person’s responsibility to manage your unmet emotional needs. In a compassionate relationship, the other person can help you co-regulate and will be kind, sensitive and thoughtful about your emotional triggers but your triggers are also your responsibility to work through. When you do, your wounded inner child will learn that they can rely on you. You will always be there for them no matter what. Your presence is enough. They will come to trust that you will not abandon them.

Emotional triggers have one thing in common, you have given them more meaning then they actually have because they remind you or prove to you that you are lacking that which you desire most…your unmet emotional need. When someone triggers you in a relationship, you’re making their words, actions or behaviour mean something.

For example, one of my biggest triggers in relationship is when someone I love withdraws from me without explaining why. I make it mean one of two things, either I am not important to them and they never have time for me or, if it they continue to pull away without any explanation whatsoever and essentially ghost me, I make it mean they are going to die and I will lose them forever and I will not survive because I am unable to take care of myself. As you can tell, the second one is a much more intense trauma response but either way, someone I love choosing to withdraw from me without explaining why may not mean either of those things. It may just mean they are overwhelmed or depressed and do not have the inner resources to connect with me or perhaps they are emotionally immature and can only avoid confrontation.

When I’m feeling triggered by their behaviour, my first step is to get curious and wonder why I am getting triggered. What emotional wound is being poked at? What is the underlying unmet emotional need I’m dealing with? When I ask myself these questions, I realize the intensity of my reaction lessens and the harsh judgment I have for the other person diminishes. I’m then ready to do what I have to do to ensure my emotional need gets met.

The inner dialogue when I’m triggered might sound something like this…

“I notice I’m getting upset here. Interesting…I wonder what’s really going on? Hmmm…yes…I see…someone I love is withdrawing from me. Right! When someone I love withdraws from me I feel unimportant or unsafe. No wonder I’m upset. When I think I’m unimportant or unsafe, I get scared and want to protect myself. Oh yeah…that’s what is happening here. No big deal. Everyone has emotional triggers. Everyone has emotional voids to deal with…this just happens to be mine. Thank goodness I found out what my emotional needs are because now, instead of getting mad at this person or blaming or judging them, I know what I actually need and I can do whatever I need to do to make sure my needs are getting met. I may want the other person to stop withdrawing or to be honest and transparent with me when they feel the need to withdraw but I do not need those things to feel important or safe. I can do whatever I can in this moment to FEEL IMPORTANT OR SAFE. What are the ways that work best for me again? Oh yeah…I remember…I better take a moment now to do that then I’ll be in a much better place to handle whatever needs to be addressed in the relationship.”

On this full moon journal page we’re going to focus on an emotional trigger you’re contending with in a relationship. We will then get curious about which unmet emotional need that trigger is pointing to.

If you are not on my email list and haven’t received this month’s moon page, visit my homepage and sign up. You’ll receive a link where you can download the hand-drawn page I created for this particular moon. Print it, grab a tea and a cozy blanket, get comfortable then follow the instructions below.

Create

If moon rituals are familiar to you, prepare your sacred space and invite Spirit to join you in whatever way works best for you.

If, however, you are new to moon rituals, I’ve included a quick guide to the steps I follow to prepare for my moon rituals in a past blog post. Take a look at it before moving forward.

Print out the March full moon journal page and gather your pencil crayons or paint. You will probably also want your writing journal so you can complete the following exercise. Only the final sentence of this exercise will be applied to your full moon journal page.

Step 1

Think of a person or a relationship in your life that is currently bothering or has a tendency to bother you from time to time.

When you think of this person, how does your body respond? Don’t judge the sensations or feelings that arise. Just allow yourself to feel deeper into your experience of this person.

Step 2

Think about the person again but this time really think about the behaviors, situations or words that really trigger you. Think about how you would like them to be different. What could they say or do to make you feel better.

Now try to complete the following statement in your mind:

I would be happier if this person ________________________________

Think of as many examples as you can. Sit with this statement for as long as you need to capture deep, raw, authentic answers. You know you’ve hit the right answers when they elicit an emotional response. If none of your fill-in-the-blank answers elicit an emotional response, you probably have to give it some time and dig a little deeper.

Step 3

Choose the fill-in-the-blank statement that elicited the strongest emotional reaction.  Try to choose the answer that you felt most strongly about but don’t get stuck or hung up on trying to find the perfect one. Just trust what comes to mind. Perhaps there was a fill-in-the-blank answer that surprised you and you’d like to work with that one.

Let’s just recall the answer here. Fill in the blank to the following statement again.

I would be happier if this person ____________________________________

Step 5

Now it’s time to get those feeling words out.

Your job is to try and capture as accurately as you can how it feels to not have that person say, do or behave in the way you want them to. How does it make you feel when this person acts or responds in a way that triggers you? You might not be feeling the totality of your displeasure right in this moment but think back to those times when it bothered you most.

Use as many words as you can to describe how you feel when that person triggers you. Just allow your mind to explore and label the feelings that arise as best as you can. Do you feel dismissed, unloved, angry, hurt, empty, insecure, trapped, ashamed, unsafe, powerless, afraid, weak, judged or some other emotion?

Step 6

Now let’s look at how you would feel if you got what you wanted from that person. Before you answer, take a moment to visualize that person doing exactly what you want them to do or acting in the perfect way or saying exactly what you need them to say. How would your life be different?  How much different would you feel? Visualize the difference in as much detail as you can. Really try to capture what that would feel like for you.

Explore as many feeling words as you can that describe how you imagine you would feel if this person became exactly what you secretly wanted them to be. Would you feel peaceful, worthy, included, whole, happy, powerful, attractive, smart, equal, accepted, capable, respected, considered, loved, appreciated, taken care of, valued, safe or some other emotion?

Step 7

Now let’s narrow down all those feelings and choose just one feeling that best describes how would feel if that person in your life showed up differently or the situation around them changed. Choose the emotion that you gravitate towards the most and seems to really capture best how you would feel if this person changed or the situation around them was different then complete the following statement in your mind:

If this person changed or the situation around this person changed, I would feel ____________________.

Step 8

Let’s finish this philosophical journey by considering that you may want this person or the situations with this person to change but what you want underneath that is the feeling you believe them being different will give you.

By moving through these questions you see what you are actually attached to. The awareness is usually enough to shift your mood and your perspective about that person. Instead of remaining in displeasure, you see the source of your unhappiness. Shining the light on the source of your unhappiness is usually enough to evaporate it.

On your full moon journal page, in the white space around the full moon, complete the following sentence:

I think I want (insert the name of the person who triggers you here) to change but what I really want is to feel ___________________.

I hope you’ve found this exercise as helpful as a great yogic stretch and as centering as a deep meditation. Use it whenever you feel emotionally triggered by another person. The more you use it, the more releasing your attachments will become an automatic response.

Enjoy!

If you end up completing this moon page, I’d love to see what you created. You can even post the finished piece on Instagram or Facebook with the hashtag #danasartrituals or email me at support@danadaponte.com and share with me how it went for you. It’s fun for me to know there are others out there enjoying the moon with me.

with love,

Dana da Ponte

 

 

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